Resources for Alienated Grandparents in Australia
I make no secret that I am an alienated grandparent. You can read my story here and here. Unfortunately, it’s not talked about or discussed in families or with friends because there’s so much shame and victim blaming attached to being alienated from your grandchildren, especially if you are the grandmother. It’s hardly surprising, then, that there’s not much about the issue in the media. You feel like you are the only one experiencing this cruel and heartbreaking situation, but you’re not.
I have set up this page as a resource and for alienated grandparents in Australia. You will find a list of ressources you can access, because the more you know about grandparent alienation, the more you are in a position to make a decision about what you want to do about it, if anything. And doing nothing is perfectly acceptable — we are all on a journey, navigating the devastation and heartbreak. I’ll be adding to this page as and when resources cross my path.
1. Legal Frameworks
Elder Abuse
Firstly, you need to know that grandparent alienation falls within the definition of elder abuse in most jurisdictions. However, some states offer more protection than others. New South Wales, for example, has a legal team that may take action on your behalf. South Australia, where I live, does not have sufficient legislative protection for alienated grandparents. Alienated grandparents are only protected if they are “vulnerable” and even then, the government will only intervene with the permission of both parties. This intervention is in the form of social workers. Yeah. I know. I rolled my eyes too.
Family Law
If your state government doesn’t have legislation protecting you from elder abuse, the only other option is taking the middle generation (MG) to the Family Court to seek a parenting order to spend time with your grandchildren. This is not for the faint-hearted, and it’s worth noting that grandparents don’t have rights per se — the child’s best interests are paramount. I describe the process here but this is not legal advice — please make sure you speak to a lawyer before proceeding. In a nutshell, the steps are:
- Attempt Family Dispute Resolution with a registered practitioner — with any luck, this will be successful, but if it’s not go to step 2.
- Get a s 60I certificate to allow you to take action in the Family Court. To note, some lawyers who work in family law have mediator training, but not all these lawyers can issue s 60I certificates.
- You may want to hire a lawyer to communicate with the MG. I did, and it’s not cheap. See point 2 above so you don’t have to backtrack.
- If the MG is not responding to letters from your lawyer, you are required to send them a pre-action letter, detailing what the issues are and that you will be taking the matter to the Family Court.
- File an action in the Family Court seeking an order to spend time with your grandchildren — you may want to hire a lawyer to represent you, but this will be very expensive. The Family Court has resources available so you can DIY, and you can enlist the assistance of the duty lawyer. You may wish to engage a process server to serve the documents on the other party — this is not expensive.
I wrote a research paper about all of this for my Ageing and the Law elective. You can read it here. For what it’s worth, I sent it to my local Labor MP, Cressida O’Hanlon, who sent it to the Minister for Seniors and Ageing Well, Nat Cook. I was unimpressed with her response, and have contacted the Shadow Minister for Ageing, Penny Pratt. Minister Cook’s response can be read here.
Be aware that most lawyers working in family law don’t seem to have a lot of experience with grandparent alienation, but they often do with parental alienation syndrome (see book below). It’s similar, but not the same. As an aside, when I finish my degree and can practice law, I definitely want to help alienated grandparents because of my own experiences.
There’s a whole bunch of family law cases relating to grandparents on this site. Ignore the “it’s not safe” warning from your browser. I’m doing further research of my own (cases and journal articles) which I will share.
2. Books
There are not many resources available on grandparent alienation. Most of the books are about parental alienation and estrangement from adult children. Having said that, these are books that I personally have read and can recommend. There is no affiliate link, so I won’t make a cent if you decide to buy them.
which is certainly a significant factor in my situation. While it seems text-booky, it’s an easy read because it is written for parents who are experiencing parental alienation syndrome. If you’re in Australia, you can borrow this book from the National Library.
People rave about Joshua Coleman, and while I have read his book and some of his writing, and I agree with with some of what he says about adult estrangement, I call bullshit on the whole “writing an amends letter to your children” thing. Maybe that’s something you want to do, or are considering doing, but in my opinion it is just pandering.
3. Websites
Alienated Grandparents Anonymous is an American website, but they do have “branches” in Canada, New Zealand and also Australia. I’ve sent an email to the NSW branch (the only one in Australia) and will keep you posted regarding their response.
Compass has some information, but their focus is on grandparent alienation as elder abuse, which it is. As detailed in the Law section above, where you live will dictate the response if you decide to take action.
Eeny Meeny Miny Foundation has some excellent resources on alienated grandparents, but note that the focus is in the context of parental alienation.
Elder Abuse Action Australia was active around grandparent alienation in 2021, but it seems that they haven’t done anything since those campaigns. Details here and here. I might write to them and see if I can get this back on their radar.
Relationships Australia has a useful definition of grandparent alienation being elder abuse, but be mindful that most practitioners will approach family dispute resolution in the context of family law, not elder abuse, which it is.
Parents Beyond Breakup is directed at parents experiencing distress from faily breakdown, but again, this seems to be in the context of parental alienation syndrome. I note that they do have monthly online support meetings specifically for grandparents that could be helpful.
Family Relationships is an Australian Government website, and despite it being government, it’s a very helpful resource, particularly if you are considering court action, and the staff are very empathetic. They also have counsellors available if you need to speak to someone.
4. Newspapers
The Australian
Australian author, Nikki Gemmell, wrote Weaponising Access to Grandkids is Terribly Cruel. She nailed it. Unfortunately, access is paywalled but if you are a library member, you can access it via PressReader.
The Senior
Senior journalist Eileen Wood wrote Grandparent alienation is a rising form of abuse tearing families apart and talks about grandparent alienation as elder abuse, which it is.
ABC
Queensland grandparents group together to ease the pain of family separation is where my journey started. I learned I wasn’t powerless, and given that I was studying law, could do something about my situation — more so than others, probably.
What the law says about grandparents seeing their grandchildren when the parents say no is a useful article that steps readers through the family law process.
Psychology Today
Why Grandparent Alienation Is a Loss Unlike Any Other discusses the harm to both grandchildren and grandparents caused by the MG.
13 Tactics Families Use to Alienate Grandparents gives visibility to what the MG do to alienate grandparents.
5. Videos
Dr Carol Golly, who is American, is an expert in grandparent alienation:
Dr Edward Kruk, who is Canadian has been researching parent alienation for years and has recently been researching grandparent alienation:
The Families Divided YouTube channel has many videos featuring with leading experts in the field, speaking about grandparent alienation.
6. Facebook
While there are a number of groups on Facebook regarding this issue, most of them are based internationally. Some of them I’ve been blocked from because I shared resources — including Australian groups. I mean, WTF?! So I started my own Facebook group to offer support to others. If you want to join, go here.
Add a resource
If you know of a resource (preferably Australian) that you’d like to share, feel free to email me.
