No one important
This post was first published on 10 May 2012. I’m not an active user of Twitter these days. Not like I was a couple of years ago. I just pop in to see what’s going on, then pop out.
The other day, someone I knew said I wasn’t important. He didn’t say it to me directly. He said it to the Twitterverse, but I knew he was talking about me. It saddened me greatly, because this was a person I counted as a friend. He had helped me, and I had helped him. We laughed about life and discussed love, and he told me I had integrity. I thought he did too…
The reason our friendship ended – I think – was because he became involved with someone. I was happy for him, because he was looking for love. But it also meant that he drifted away: I hadn’t seen him for months. I tried to catch up, but there were excuses and cancellations and no-shows. There is a wise saying to which I adhere in these situations: don’t make someone your priority, when they aren’t prepared to make you theirs. I got the message – loud and clear – that I was not his priority. It seemed I wasn’t even on his radar anymore!
This week, I reached out one last time – on Twitter – and was disappointed – again – that I heard nothing back of substance. So I unfollowed him. Quietly and without a fuss. And he saw (everyone has Push notifications set up these days), and to other followers commented, among other things, that I was no one important. And unfollowed me just as quickly.
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he decided that I’m someone he no longer wanted in his circle of friends. It’s not like we were even that close in the scheme of things. I would have been fine with that, but it would have been nice to know. I wouldn’t have even needed a reason: “I’m just not that into our friendship anymore” would have sufficed. I would have said ok, and left it at that. A quick painless death is much better than the slippery, spiky slope into friendship oblivion.
Maybe he was hurt that I unfollowed him, and retaliated with words. I get that. I’m not above doing that myself on the odd occasion. But to see that you are not considered important by someone you liked, trusted and respected, well, that’s the deepest cut of all. It hurt.
I totally get what you are saying. In the end you have to cut your losses and move forward knowing that he is the one with the problem, not you. You cannot change him. You can only change you.
Agree, Cheryl. But it’s so sad. 🙁
Count your lucky stars for the fact that you don’t need to see this person anymore. It’s much harder knowing what you know but still having to see them!!! Now that is tough because then you get ignored in your face not from a distance (my experience). I think this experience is there because I know for me I need to be pushed and the only way I can truly learn to value myself is by seeing that another doesn’t value me (not the other way around).. It’s like WTF, how can you not see how awesome I am… AHHH I get it, why do I even need them to think that about me lol! I didn’t know I had that hidden self-doubt until they showed me. But yeah it still hurts for a while until I know for sure I can value myself just as I am. It takes time to see why you also didn’t need them anymore.
I know exactly what you mean, Susan. Sometimes one has to take the experience and think: what did I learn from that? What have I learned about me that I didn’t know before? Have I played it with maximum integrity, given the circumstances I find myself in?
WOW! How hurtful and so unnecessary on his part. It was as if he was hurt by your unfriending him . But how could that have been a surprise given all the effort you had made to continue the friendship. I am saddened for your hurt, but am much more disappointed in your, now, ex friend’s behavior.
For the record, you are important and always will be. :))
People – and why they do or don’t do things – never cease to amaze me. I was very hurt by this person, but I can’t do anything about it. If he valued our friendship in the first place, this post would never have been written.
So sorry to read this Diane. Very sad.
It made my heart quite heavy 🙁
That’s shitty. Sounds like – as you said – an act of a hurt person. But none of that matters now. Gather no moss, where these things are concerned. Note to self.
I think there’s a lesson in there for all of us 😉
Saying you weren’t “important” seems to negate your value in the past as well as the presnt- very cold thing for this person to say. Just assume he was hurt from being “unfriended”- I’ve had a few- I’d unfriended them because I never saw them posting anything relevant to me any more, but still thought of them as OK people. They buttonholed me & I told them the truth. Later some started to interact with me again and others didn’t. I seem to have got over it anyway- I can’t remember who was involved!
That’s exactly how I felt. And it saddened me very much.